Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
