kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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