I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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