Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
