Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
