Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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