You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
