So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
