i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
