dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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