you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just google imaged poop.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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