I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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