There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
