..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
