I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
