You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
