i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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