i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
