If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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