woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
