yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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