This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
birth control should be required to get into college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I deserve this hangover.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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