I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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