He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
