So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
