I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
