I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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