"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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