I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
