god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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