Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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