She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
