tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
