man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
