Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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