i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
