there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
