Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just cut my nipple shaving
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
