I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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