great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
