Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
