I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
