Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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