i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sober January is a disaster.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
