If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
