ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize