I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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