Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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