I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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