but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
