I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
