My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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