Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
