You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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