I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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