i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was confusing and full of hummus
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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