What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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