It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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