the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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