oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
