I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
