i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize