You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
