I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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