How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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