Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
