he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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