A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
