You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
