don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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