uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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