Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
