Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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