I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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