i permit you to call me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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