# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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