whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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