Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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