I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
