just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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